1. Editorial

Hello again, and thank you for being a valued E-Writer
subscriber!

I've had another busy month, not helped by catching one of the
viruses that is so prevalent at this time of year and made me
feel as though I was walking through treacle. Still, I'm more or
less back to normal now, apart from a hacking cough that makes
the cats jump out of their (=our) chairs. Just be grateful that
E-Writer is not multi-media...

There are a couple of bits of news I wanted to pass on in this
issue. The first concerns Kwickee, the mobile phone content
publishing company for whom I worked as a freelance editor. As
you'll gather from the tense of that last verb, there has been
some disappointing news on that front.

In an e-mail sent to all Kwickee associates, Kwickee's former
Managing Editor Nick Hirst revealed that despite an extensive
marketing campaign, only around 200 UKP worth of sales had been
made. With the end of their venture capitalist funding as well,
Kwickee has had no option but to make all but one of its staff
(their technical officer) redundant. The websites kwickee.com
and gobstopped.com are still operating, but it is not clear how
any revenue arising from sales in future will be distributed.

I know that several E-Writer readers beside myself were involved
with Kwickee, as editors and/or contributors, so I would like to
pass on my commiserations to them (and, especially, to the full-
time staff who have lost their jobs). Kwickee was a great idea,
but maybe it was just a bit ahead of its time. Probably there
also needed to be a greater emphasis on marketing from everyone
involved in the venture. In any event, I understand the company
is looking for a buyer, so they are presumably aiming to keep it
afloat while this process takes place. So it may not be the end
of Kwickee just yet - but I would nevertheless advise against
submitting work or doing any more editing for them for the
moment.

On a brighter note, my partner Jayne (who is an IT trainer and
teacher) has been between contracts recently, so she has been
using the spare time to give her writing resources website at
http://www.writing-resources.info a complete overhaul. If you
haven't seen her site before, do take a look. OK, I admit she's
promoting my courses quite heavily, but there are lots of other
interesting resources for writers she has discovered as well. In
particular, if you are at all interested in travel writing, do
check out the page devoted to this at
http://www.writing-resources.info/travel_writing.htm.

This month's E-Writer features an article about writing humorous
greeting card ideas, based on the relevant module of my new
Quick Cash Writing course (http://www.nickdaws.co.uk/qcw.htm).
This is a great opportunity for any writer with a sense of
humour to turn it to profit, even if they only have a few spare
minutes in the day. I've also included my usual wide range of
market info, including a great opportunity currently being
offered by my own publishers, White Cliff Computing Limited. And
finally, I'm highlighting a very nifty piece of free software I
only discovered recently, which has already become one of my
favourite programs!


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2. Article: Writing Humorous Greeting Card Ideas

The greeting card industry offers many opportunities for
freelance writers, but one of the best at present is coming up
with ideas and slogans for humorous cards. In this article I’ll
be explaining how to generate such ideas and how to present them
to card companies to maximize your chances of selling them.

Most humorous cards, due to their very nature, are in two parts.
The outside cover sets up the gag, and the recipient opens the
card to discover the punchline. Many card companies will
consider ideas which consist of no more than captions with a
brief description of the illustrations required. The examples
below of ideas I have sold show how they should be set out, and
will give you a flavour of the kind of thing required. As with
all writing, however, fashions can change, and it is essential
to study today’s market yourself.

1. While you’re sick, take it easy, do what you like, let others
make all the decisions for you...
...After all, you need to practice for when you’re back at work!

2. Valentine, this card is programmed in BASIC...
...(MESSAGE IS SHOWN ON COMPUTER SCREEN) I Love You!

3. This birthday card contains no artificial flavourings,
preservatives or colourings. It is salt-free with no added
sugar, low in cholesterol and guaranteed free of impurities...
...It tastes b****** awful!

4. (PICTURE OF SMILING HIPPIE COUPLE STANDING SIDE BY SIDE, ONE
HOLDING A TOWEL) Aurora and Satchel would just like to wish
you...
...a Hippie Bathday! (COUPLE ARE SEEN IN THE BATH TOGETHER, JOSS
STICK BURNING, PSYCHEDLEIC POSTER ON WALL, ETC.)

5. As it’s your birthday, there’s a drink on me inside this
card...
...Happy (hic!) Birthday! (CHARACTER IS SEEN FLAT ON BACK,
CLEARLY SOZZLED, CLASPING A HALF-FINISHED BEER TO HIS CHEST.)

Some publishers, rather than a list of ideas, prefer to receive
mock-ups of the cards. In these cases I use ordinary typing
paper folded in half to give a paper ‘card’. The aim is to draw
the mock-up in such a way that the publisher gets a good idea of
what the finished card will actually look like - captions and
illustrations. A modicum of artistic talent is obviously helpful
here, but as long as you can get the basic idea across this
should be sufficient. (I am, incidentally, the world’s worst
artist, but even I have had ideas accepted from my pathetic
attempts at drawing - and my miniscule skills have actually
improved a little with practice!)

How do you get ideas for humorous greeting cards? Sometimes
(especially once you have been working in this field for a
while) ideas just pop into your head, and in these cases it is
important to jot them down in your writer’s notebook as soon as
possible before they escape. Often, unless you write down an
idea within a few minutes of its arrival, it will vanish
altogether.

Relying on sudden inspirations is not the way to generate
regular cheques, however. Sometimes ideas need a little
encouragement to come forth. The following techniques may prove
helpful:

* Try brainstorming on a particular theme or subject. That is to
say, give yourself 15 minutes and write down without stopping
everything you can think of connected with that subject. Then go
back over what you have written and see if any of it suggests
ideas you could use. A few possible subjects to start you off
are birthday, holiday, work, garden, car, food, drink and house.

* Choose two totally different words or concepts, and see if you
can find any links between them. Much humour works by connecting
two apparently unrelated concepts. For example, the idea
below...

This birthday card contains no artificial flavourings,
preservatives
or colourings. It is salt-free with no added sugar, low in
cholesterol
and guaranteed free of impurities...
...It tastes b***** awful!

...came from pairing the words ‘birthday’ and ‘recipe’.

* Look at existing cards and see if you can change or adapt them
in some way to create an original idea of your own. For example,
if you see an intriguing card on display, before opening it try
to guess the punchline inside. If your own punchline is
different, all you need do is change the front cover
design/caption to end up with an original greeting card idea of
your own.

* Finally, look out for jokes/cartoons which could be translated
into card format. To avoid infringing copyright, be sure to
avoid simply copying the wording. There is, however, no
copyright on ideas!

One other thing to bear in mind is that card publishers want
original, up-to-the-minute ideas, so anything which concerns
digital TV, cell phones, PDAs, the Internet and other such
modern phenomena will stand a better chance of success. By
contrast, ideas which are thinly concealed rehashes of jokes
which have done the rounds many times before are unlikely to
achieve success.

You can research potential publishers in your local shopping
mall and/or via the Internet. Once you have a few names and
addresses, write to them asking for a copy of their writers’
guidelines (a growing number of publishers put these on the net,
so it’s worth checking there as well). The guidelines will tell
you how they prefer ideas to be submitted, and any ranges for
which they are especially seeking contributions. Once you have
found a suitable publisher, you are ready to think about sending
your work off to them.

Submit your ideas in batches of around 12 to 20. If you are
simply sending captions and descriptions you can include several
to a sheet, though make sure they are well spaced out. Give each
idea a number so that the publishers have a quick way of
referring to it (e.g. they might write back and say 'We would
like to purchase your ideas 2, 3, 6, 7 and 8 for a total fee of
$400').

Put your name and address on every sheet of paper, or every
mock-up if that is the format you are using. An SSAE is a good
idea when sending in your first batch of ideas, though once you
are known to the company there is no real need to bother with
this. Companies vary about how quickly they reply, but you will
usually hear within a month whether any of your work has been
accepted. This is a competitive market, so if you sell two or
three ideas from a batch of 20 you will have done well.

One last point is that, as a greeting card writer, the world (or
at least the English-speaking part) really is your oyster. Just
because you live in the US, for example, don’t imagine you can’t
submit work to publishers in the UK and elsewhere. And equally,
if you live in Britain or anywhere else, you can and should
regard American (and Canadian) greeting card publishers as
potential clients.

NOTE - This article is based partly on a section from Quick Cash
Writing, my new course on making money from shorter writing
projects. For further details, including my current special
offer to purchasers of QCW via my website, check out
http://www.nickdaws.co.uk/qcw.htm.


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3. Market Info - Miscellany

Here are a few more potential markets for you, starting with an
opportunity from my own publishers, WCCL. I've reproduced this
below exactly as they sent it to me:

<<E-BOOK WRITERS WANTED -- EARN $$$
Publisher requires writers to help create fresh e-book
publications based on themes such as writing, self-development,
gambling, and so on. We provide all the material, you provide
the writing talent. Each e-book writing job should take
experienced writers just five days or under. We pay you hard
CASH for your words. For more information, please send a sample
of your work to: james.dunn-at-whitecliff.net.>>

I would just add to the above that WCCL are looking for
practical titles which will have a big potential market world-
wide. From a recent e-mail they sent me, some further examples
of the type of topic they are interested in might include 'dog-
keeping, graphology, Swedish massage techniques, career advice,
lowering your cholesterol, and so on'. They are not so keen on
'make loads of money' and 'internet marketing' related topics.

The UK-based gambling info site Readabet (www.readabet.com) is
looking for a golf betting analyst to write regular European
Tour and/or US Tour previews. The job is freelance only. If you
are interested in applying, e-mail your CV and a sample article
to jobs@readabet.com. This can be a recent preview, or a preview
for a forthcoming event. The number of words and style should be
something similar to previous Readabet golf previews, which can
be viewed at the URLs below:
http://www.readabet.com/index.php/home/article/8099 
http://www.readabet.com/index.php/golf/article/5982 
http://www.readabet.com/index.php/golf/article/6911 

The Deepening is a new web-based short-story publishing
operation. They are currently accepting submissions in all
genres except slash/erotica. No word limits are mentioned, so I
imagine anything under 10,000 should be OK. Unusually for short
stories, payment is on a royalty basis. The way this works is
that 50% of all subscription money coming into the site is
divided among the authors according to how many stories they
have had published on the site. So if each story earns $20 in
any given month, an author who has two stories on the site will
receive $40, whilst one with five stories will receive $100.
Authors are paid as soon as their personal kitty reaches $50.
For more information about this interesting opportunity, check
out their website at http://www.thedeepening.com (for writers'
guidelines, scroll down till you reach Submissions in the left-
hand menu).

Submissions are currently being invited for a horror-fiction
anthology called 'Room 636 - A New Take on Urban Legends'. I
don't have a website reference for this, so all the details I
have are reproduced below...

The anthology is to be published independently in both e-book
(PDF) and paperback format and distributed nationwide, and 80%
of all proceeds will go to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in
Kanab, Utah. The deadline is December 9, 2005. They say: "We're
looking for new twists to the classic urban legends: the
vanishing hitchhiker, Bloody Mary, the killer in the back seat,
and all the lesser-known tales. We don't want the same old
stories retold. Instead, make the story yours. Add characters,
change the setting, give us a reason why the killer does what he
does. Our only requirements? Make sure the story is scary,
original, and well-written. ABSOLUTELY NO ANIMALS INVOLVED."

Short stories should be up to 4,500 words; shorter pieces and
flash fiction are also welcome. They will also consider novellas
of 9,000 to 12,000 words. Payment is $5 for novellas, with $25
for the best story (plus a certificate of merit). All
contributors will receive a PDF copy of the anthology plus 10%
royalties divided equally among contributors (paid twice
annually on July 1st and January 1st).

Send your story as a Microsoft Word attachment to
editor.anthology-at-gmail.com. In the subject line, write
Room 636 Anthology. Reprints and simultaneous submissions are
OK, but no multiple submissions. Include a word count and a
brief bio with your submission. Please also indicate which urban
legend you're retelling.

Literary Road is a new ePublisher dedicated to publishing and
promoting new and independent writers. They are currently
accepting manuscript submissions for their new eBookstore
opening in January 2006. They are looking for e-books in every
genre, especially focusing on good quality fiction, mysteries
and science fiction. They prefer stories of 50,000 words or
more, but will consider shorter works. They don't want how-to
books, spiritual or self-help guides. They offer two choices of
payment: either 40% gross commission, or an up-front payment of
$250-$300 and then 25% commission. Full guidelines are on their
website at http://www.literaryroad.com. Authors retain all
copyrights in their work.

Back to the UK now. The Qualifications and Curriculum
Authority (QCA) is looking for freelance editors. QCA is the
regulatory body responsible for curriculum, assessments and
qualifications in the UK. They publish a wide variety of
guidance for teachers, as well as policy and information for
education professionals. They need freelance editors for every
stage of the publishing process, from rewriting draft copy to
checking final proofs. They say: "If you are comfortable working
with material intended for print or the web and have a sharp eye
for grammar, punctuation and style, then we'd like to hear from
you." Applicants will be asked to complete an editing test. To
apply, send a covering letter and CV to: Theresa Best, Managing
Editor, QCA, 83 Piccadilly, London, W1J 8QA, or by e-mail to
bestt-at-qca.org.uk. See also their site at http://www.qca.org.uk.
The closing date for applications is 9 November 2005.

Finally, here's one for the poets among you. Cannon Poets is
probably my nearest local poetry writers group (the name comes
from the fact that they are based at the Midlands Arts Centre in
Cannon Hill Park, Birmingham). They are currently running a
tanka competition. Tanka is a Japanese verse form comprising
five lines, the first and third consisting of five syllables and
the second, fourth and fifth of seven syllables (I know this
because it says so on the website). There is a 2 UKP entry fee
and a minimum first prize of 100 UKP. The closing date is 21
November 2005. For more information, see their website at
http://www.cannonpoets.co.uk.


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4. Useful Resource: Roboform

Funnily enough, I was recommended this free utility separately
by two different people on the same day: my partner, Jayne, and
my colleague James (or Jim) at White Cliff. So I knew I had to
check it out for myself, and I was duly impressed by what I
discovered.

Many of us nowadays belong to several websites which require
passwords to enter. They include online bank accounts,message-
boards, membership sites, gas/electricity accounts, credit card
accounts, web-based email, and so on. Trying to remember the
growing list of passwords and user-names, not to mention Web
site URLs, can be a nightmare, but Roboform takes care of it all
for you. It will remember all your internet passwords and user-
names, along with the relevant URLs (website addresses). If you
want to visit a site, you simply select it from those saved on
Roboform's pop-up menu. The relevant web page will then open,
your user-name and password will be entered, and the site will
launch as you watch. It really is fascinating to see.

You can download the free version of Roboform via the following
link: http://tinyurl.com/7hzng. This has all the features of
the paid-for version, but with certain limitations. In
particular, it will only remember up to ten password/user-name
combinations. That will be more than enough for many people, of
course, but you can upgrade to the paid-for professional version
(which has no limits) at any time if you like. Roboform works
with the most popular Windows browser, Microsoft Internet
Explorer, and also with Firefox, Netscape and Mozilla.
Unfortunately, it will not work on most Macintosh computers.

I know that not everyone who reads E-Writer is used to
downloading software from the Internet, so here's a brief guide
to how to do it from the Roboform site. When you click on the
Download button, you will see the standard Windows dialogue box
asking whether you want to run or save the file in question.
Click on Save and save it to any convenient folder on your PC (I
recommend the Desktop, but anywhere will do as long as you can
find it afterwards!). The file is around 2MB, so it will take a
couple of minutes to download on a standard dial-up connection,
or just a few seconds if you have broadband.

Once the .exe file has downloaded, double-click to launch it.
Roboform will go through a simple set-up procedure, most of
which is quite straightforward. At one point you will be asked
if you wish to provide a master password. I recommend that you
do this, otherwise anyone else using your PC will have access to
all of your passwords. Roboform will also detect all existing
password and user-name combinations saved on your computer and
list them for you. It will ask if you wish them to be imported
into Roboform, and again I recommend that you do this.

Once the installation has been completed, a new Roboform toolbar
will appear on your browser window (you can minimise this if you
wish by clicking on the 'Close' button at the far right). Any
time you wish to visit a site which requires a log-in, you can
simply click on the Log-ins icon in the toolbar, then click on
the site concerned. The program will automatically take you to
the site in question and log you in as you watch. You can also
add new user-name/password combinations (called 'passcards' on
Roboform) by clicking on the 'Save' button once you have entered
these details on a new site.

Roboform has a range of other functions too. It will fill in
forms automatically (as long as you have pre-loaded all the
standard information, such as your name, address, phone number,
and so on). It also includes a random password generator, which
will produce passwords that are impossible to guess. If you are
an active web user, Roboform will save you a lot of time on
routine tasks, not to mention the hassle and stress if you
forget one of your passwords!


That's it for this issue. I do hope you've enjoyed reading it
and found something that may be useful to you. E-Writer will be
back again in a few weeks' time.

All good wishes,

Nick


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Copyright Info

Except where specifically stated, material in E-Writer is
protected by copyright of Nick Daws, 2005. Material from the
newsletter may, however, be reproduced in other online or off-
line publications so long as (a) the text (including any URLs
and e-mail addresses) is not altered in any way, and
(b) the souce is acknowledged and a link or text reference is
provided to my website at http://www.nickdaws.co.uk. Notifying
me is not essential but would be appreciated - please use the e-
mail address above or the link on my site. Many thanks!

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